Gunasagara’s journey

Posted: December 2nd, 2009 | Author: Gunasagara Buch | Filed under: First Steps, featured | No Comments »

An account by Gunasagara Buch, a student of Sri Chinmoy’s for 25 years, of how she joined Sri Chinmoy’s path.

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As soon as I learned how to read, I became a fervent reader. I read all the books I could get from my parents and later from the library. I often read books not only for children but also for adults. Three to four books in one week were not too much for me. When my parents gave me pocket money, I saved it to buy books. My grand-mother gave me a Bible on the day of my confirmation, and I read this grand book from cover to cover!

I used to walk past the only bookstore in my little home town to see the new books on display in the window. One day – I was fourteen or fifteen years old – I discovered a book there called the Bhagavad Gita. It was quite expensive, and I did not know what it was about, but nevertheless it attracted me tremendously. In the following weeks, I often looked at it and finally bought it. Naturally, I read it immediately. That is, I tried to read it, but I did not understand anything in the book! So after a while, I stopped reading it.

When I was seventeen or eighteen, I began to do Hatha Yoga. I bought a book and did the exercises quite regularly. However, my goal was not fitness of the body; I wanted to learn how to read the minds of my teachers to know what questions would appear in my exams! Unfortunately or for-tunately, I did not develop this skill, so my school marks were not as good as they perhaps might have been.

During my studies, I had many new things to do and to think about – especially how to become really happy. But the things I tried did not work at all, and this continued when I started working. So I began looking around for an alternative life. Because I was fond of the Buddha and had loved Japan since my early childhood, I tried Zen Buddhism. I read books and attended a weekend session with a Japanese Zen Master. But to sit in the lotus position for hours hurt 66 my knees, creating severe pain that lasted for weeks. I made another effort and went to a Zen weekend retreat. But on the second day, on my way to the session, I had an accident with my car and could not attend. After this event, I concluded that Zen Buddhism was not meant for me.

My next attempt was Tibetan Buddhism. Again I read books and went to several pujas in a nearby Tibetan monastery. During this time, I saw for the first time a poster of Guru in Cologne. Being in a high consciousness, he looked very strange in the photo. I said to myself that I never, never wanted to be a disciple of this man!

I was not so happy with Tibetan Buddhism. When I learned that a Buddhist retreat in Germany was something like a very long self-knowledge trip, I totally lost interest. Being a psychologist, I had enough of such things! One day, I found another poster, which announced a lecture by Kailash, a psychologist like myself. I went to this lecture, liked it, and attended a follow-up and some other lectures given by a local disciple of Sri Chinmoy. This lasted a few months. After some time, I was eager to become Guru’s disciple, but nobody asked me to join the Centre, and I was too shy to ask.

Then Guru’s big Cologne concert took place. I was there but I did not appreciate it very much, because the people sitting near me were very loud and restless. The next day there was a seven-hour meditation, and I was invited to participate. I came late because I had to prepare for a psychotherapeutic examination, but also because I was a little afraid of the seven hours. I entered the room during an intermission and 67 found a place where I could see Guru very well. After the intermission, Guru announced that there were only two hours left of the seven because he had already meditated two hours in the early morning. At the end of the meditation, he asked whether some people in the audience would like to become his disciples.

Two or three raised their hands. Not me! I did not dare to. Those who had raised their hands were invited to come to the stage to meditate with him. When they returned to their seats, Guru looked at three people in the audience and meditated on them. One of those three was me! It was really an experience. It stirred my whole being!

Soon after this event, the whole Cologne Centre went to New York to the April Celebrations, and I was left alone. As soon as they were back, I gave the Centre leader my picture and a letter for Guru asking to become his disciple.

The 27th of May was the day of days! In the Cologne Centre, there was bhajan singing in the evening. Even though I had a very bad headache, I went to the function. However, I was irritated by the food and the incense, and the songs intensified my headache so much that I left the Centre after a few hours.

That night I had an initiation dream – but it was not me who was initiated: I happily watched Guru pouring a bucket of cold water over my younger sister! The next day, I was informed by the Centre leader that, during the bhajan function, he had received a call from New York saying that Guru had accepted me as his disciple. And now, nearly 25 years later, my gratitude to Guru for having accepted me is still growing and growing.